I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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