maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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