So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize