She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize