so explain again why im purple
no
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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