I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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