so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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