mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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