i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize