Princesses don't give blow jobs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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