Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize