So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
please come you make the beer taste better
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize