Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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