chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
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She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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