I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize