I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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