Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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