i think my mom watched the whole time
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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