So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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