He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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