new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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