i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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