Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
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I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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