It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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