You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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