We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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