he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize