highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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