grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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