I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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