I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize