I cockslap morals
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize