It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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