I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
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I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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