the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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