I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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