is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize