gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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