So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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