So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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