I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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