Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize