I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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