You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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