Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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