literally had 100 drinks last night.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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