guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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