You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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