Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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