yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize